Keep the Questions Coming. Every Answer Counts.

By Fred Bruning

May 24, 2026

What’s the best sandwich?

Stephen Colbert departed late night television last week – shoved out by CBS – but bequeaths us The Colbert Questionert.

(The Col-baire Question-naire.)

This is where the comedian polled celebrities, including recently, Barack Obama, on various preferences.

“Cheeseburger is the best sandwich,” said Obama, no hesitation, leaving vegan Democrats to gasp and defying smarty pants critics who would have guessed hummus with sprouts on whole grain sourdough. “I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Intrepid reporter, Colbert followed up.

“What cheese?” he pressed.

“Cheddar,” said Obama, adding, “lettuce, tomato, mustard,” stouthearted, unrepentant, though, to tell the truth, the former president must not often fire up the grill because he is in fine shape, slender, able to cross his legs tightly, no hint of a Whopper-ized waistline, not bad for a 64-year-old fellow, yes, it’s true, Barack Obama is 64, time flies, 65 in August, and here we are, on our own, nearly 10 years since he left office.

Obama is not the point but couldn’t help notice a certain relaxed grace – he was showing off his new Presidential Center in Chicago – that made you think the guy is happy to be away from it all, that eating off heavy dinnerware, embossed, and riding around in helicopters, and making small talk with some of the world’s most terrible people has limits, and, point taken, I am not throwing my hat into the ring for ’28.

(My younger son once said, “you like to talk to people, why don’t you run for office?” I answered: “Bad knees.”)

What makes the Colbert quiz fun – A-list participant or anyone else – is its idea that we are, all of us, pretty basic, and that, you can be a Bezos billionaire and still crave peanut butter and jelly more than chateaubriand.

(Brief testimonial here for a layer of Teddie on toast with strawberry jam and to say that, years ago, still eating meat, I carelessly ordered chateaubriand and what I remember most is that the check, delivered by a waiter in vest and bow tie, represented what seemed to me not a slab of center cut tenderloin but an entire Black Angus herd, that I had somehow signed the deed for a ranch in Wyoming.)

Here are entries from Colbert’s survey:

“What is the scariest animal?”

“Have you ever asked anyone for an autograph?”

“What is your least favorite smell?”

“Apples or oranges?”

“You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it?”

“What do you think happens when you die?”

I’ll go first.

· Anne, an old friend from St. John’s Lutheran, Prospect Avenue, Brooklyn, tells me I am wrong about pitbulls, unfair, surprised at you, and that she has a sweet representative of the breed named Moxie who has never made trouble, and I said, keep me posted.

· I have never asked for an autograph but once a pal ran into the great Brooklyn Dodger pitcher Don Newcombe and asked Newcombe to sign a photo and he did, with “Sincerest Wishes, 1975.” It’s framed and on a bookshelf.

· When Mom and Dad announced dinner and said, “liver and onions,” I eyed the fire escape because the sizzling meat, gray and foreboding in a cast iron pan, sorely excited my gag reflex. Gentle souls, Winnie and Fred allowed Cheerios, instead.

· Apples, oranges, both, diced, and in sangria.

· At Luther League socials we danced close when adults weren’t looking and while, “Earth Angel,” is classic and, “In the Still of the Nite,” deserves serious consideration, I could listen forever, and let’s hope this proves possible, to “Close Your Eyes,” by the Five Keys, mmm, I remember.

· When you have a colonoscopy, and the anesthesiologist says relax, and then, bingo, you’re out cold and next thing a nurse hands you ginger ale and a little packet of Lorna Doones and says it’s over, see wasn’t so bad? That, except the nurse never shows up.

Online, you can find more from Colbert’s list and while we’re at it, how about a hand for the comic, nice man, funny, victim of the times?

Or make up your own, DIY, maybe for the Memorial Day picnic.

Keep it simple. Down to earth.

That’s the ticket. Not much separates us, remember.

Everyone has a favorite sandwich. Why argue over Swiss or cheddar?

Previous Invisible Ink posts at: https://fredbruning.substack.com/archive